Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes
Last year’s recap is one of the most read articles on my blog, which basically confirms
you guys are the worst that everybody loves drama and a little bit of sh*t talking.
And I know some of you are probably thinking, “HOW COULD PEOPLE NOT LIKE SOMEONE SUCH AS THE AMAZING, TALENTED, AND PERFECT ARRAY OF ATOMS THAT IS THE DIVINE CREATION OF GLORIA ATANMO?!”
Trust me, I share your same concerns. But rest assured, I’ve been saving up my sass all year for this article, and I’m about to unleash the hounds.
So come drink wine in fetal position with me as I recap how much the internet hates me, and how I really couldn’t give a SH*T about it.
I have to warn you though, some harsh language ahead, but hey, if I have to read stuff like this daily, then I think you all can survive 😉
1. In Response To: “5 Most African-American Friendly Countries”
Shut up you ugly nappy headed she-boon ape b*tch. You aint sh*t and will never be sh*t.
YOU AIN’T SH*T EITHER, BEEOOOTCH!!!!!! Soooo, points for subject and verb agreement. But deducted points for elementary vocabulary and unnecessary language due to the obvious lack in penis size.
Sir, if your erectile dysfunction keeps causing these side effects that combat any ounce of human decency you may have, I truly hope you can get that checked out.
Also, go die.
2. In Response To: “5 Cities In Europe Where Black Skin Is Welcomed”
ALL THE PLACES YOU MENTIONED ARE WELCOMING TO YOU BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU ARE ONLY VISITING, AND NOT PLANNING ON MOVING THERE TO TAKE THEIR JOBS!
I’m not yelling, I promise, but he used caps lock, so I’ll assume his keyboard was broken or that he got a hard-on from all the power exerted from using capitalized letters.
While it’s true a short-term visit will yield a different experience than a long-term one, it doesn’t take away from the fact that some cultures are just more receptive to black people than others.
3. In Response To: “5 Most African-American Friendly Countries”
Don’t listen to this dumb black b*tch, if you’re an African-American stay your black ass out of Germany. She probably travels with her white boyfriend, I know the type…
OKAY, STOP THE SHOW, HOW DO I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND NOT KNOW ABOUT IT?! Seriously, I thought we were past my boyfriend doing that cute little thing where he doesn’t exist.
4. In Response To: “The Worst Part About My Travels As A Solo Black Woman”
This has never happened to me. Maybe you’re dressing or acting like a prostitute would. Either way, I can’t relate.
Thank goodness I don’t write articles seeking your sole approval. Thank the Lord Almighty that a prude with a rod up her @$% feels the need to dismiss my experience as invalid because she can’t relate. Thank Heavens that leaving her unwarranted
no sense two cents has helped further humanity as we know it. Oh deareset one, go blindfold yourself and play in traffic.
5. In Response To: “I’ll Be The Hardest Worker In The Building, But I’m A Terrible Employee” [The Huffington Post]
Another lazy, entitled, and privileged millennial broad with an unrealistic approach at life.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure the 20-something year old who took your job because you still can’t figure out how to CTRL+ALT+DEL
deez nuts your attitude, will be happy to give it back if you beg nice enough. Quit hating on a generation that you come crawling to when you can’t figure out how to operate your expired Windows 97. Join the times, bud.
6. In Response To: “7 Privileges I Was Made Aware of By Traveling” [The Huffington Post]
This is stupid, how is it a privilege to be American? WE ARE NOT PRIVILEGED.
Oh ye of little brain power. It’s time to stop denying truths. Being born in America or any other first-world country is indeed a privilege, because we were born in a land where we have inherent freedoms and rights
(unless you’re black, JK but serious) that are denied to so many others around the world.
Having privilege is NOT a bad thing. It’s when you try to dismiss its benefits and act condescending towards others when it becomes a problem.
And quite frankly, it’d be a privilege to push you off a cliff. Alas, we can’t all be so lucky can we?
7. In Response To: “5 Most African-American Friendly Countries”
This COON whore has not only f*cked her way out of martial bliss, but she has also lost her AFRICAN mind. African people, don’t listen to this f*cking zombie robot whore. She is trying to sell you out. A traitor.
LOOOOOOL. Dear God, where do I even start? First of all, what in the actual hell is “martial bliss”, and secondly, it sounds kind of amazing and I think I want to be a part of it.
Also, “zombie robot” is an oxymoron. And your mother’s a whore. Boy, bye.
8. In Response To: “5 Most African-American Friendly Countries”
You silly little black girls are going to realize that you are garbage to the world. To be used and discarded. And then you are going to be angry like me.
Can you get more educated and travel outside the European continent and Asia? You are black. You owe it to yourself to stop looking for cheap thrills of white people worshipping you.
They smile at you for your money and look at you like a monkey. You simply do not see it.
You are a liar. Because you are blind to human nature and desperately want to be worshipped by white people.
Pathetic you are little sister.
YAY! Someone feeling entitled enough to tell me how I should spend my own hard earned money! Thank you! Please continue policing my life, my choices, and my work! Your bitterness hardly shines through!
I’m going to be real here for a second, because the thing about being a black blogger is that you just can’t win sometimes.
You talk about your experiences as a black person, and then your white readers feel “excluded”. And then you talk about your experiences in predominantly white countries, and then you’re condemned, black card revoked, and verbally annihilated for not choosing to direct every penny of your travels towards your skinfolk in Africa.
The reality is, starting out traveling as a broke and eager traveler in 2012, by far the easiest continent to navigate was Europe. So I’ve traveled it extensively to get comfortable, and even if I never traveled any other continent, that is MY PREROGATIVE. But! I’m excited to cross off seven or so African nations in 2017, so if this lady doesn’t self-implode by then, maybe she’ll get to see it.
But I can’t even get myself to speak nasty about this woman, because I think she’s a bit deranged. She goes on to also comment about how she’s been raped and trafficked in foreign countries, so I’m sure her view of anybody who isn’t black is permanently tainted, and that’s just unfortunate.
There will never be a sole spokesperson for an entire race, religion, or country, so we need to stop acting like our bad experiences with a few dictate the morale of an entire nation or group of people.
9. In Response To: A Photo Of Me In An Infinity Pool
You look lonely. All your photos only have you in the picture.
DUH BISSSSHHH! THAT IS THE DREAM! THAT’S WHAT I AIM FOR! I don’t want tourists in my photos! LOL. I’m tryna stunt for the ‘gram here, what you think I’d want other people in my photos for? Take your miserable ass “you look lonely” ass back home and kindly deposit your two cents into your rear end where it might be more welcome.
10. In Response To: My Email
Her: “Can you please give me tips on x, y, and z?”
Me: “Sure thing! I wrote an extensive article detailing all the above at the link HERE.”
Her: “I didn’t email you so you can link me to other places. I emailed you to talk to YOU. So do you want to help me or not?
Me: *BLOCK* *DELETE* *SWERVE* *DISMISSED*
The Devil IS a lie and he will not catch me slippin’ today. Goodeth bye, Felicia. Thou art dismissed.
Fellow bloggers tell me they’d never dare to browse through the comment section, but I’ve learned how to flip it into cheap entertainment… as I sip my cocktail, beachside, overlooking my peasant-ridden view as they slave away at a job they hate every day.
BLOOP! I mean, who’s really winning here?
And while I get an insane amount of positive support across all platforms that accounts for 95% of my comments, it’s humbling and even necessary to get a few loose canons here and there.
That’s why I never let the good get to my head or the bad get to my heart.
I take it all in, process, absorb, and allocate it where it belongs, then move on with my life.
At the end of the day, if the content I produce and the stories I share are accurate reflections of my life, experiences, and travels, then the validation of others isn’t needed or necessary.
If people can relate, then that’s just a plus! But ultimately, I write for myself. And sponsors. But mostly myself, lol.
So now that the fun is over, I’m gonna go hug myself, search for any last f*cks to give, and freeze the tears of my sadness to ice my next glass of champagne.
And shout out to all of you for sticking in my corner despite being a “nappy-headed, dumb, lazy, entitled, ape, coon, garbage, cheap-thrill-seeking, black b*tch!”
Whew! I think I’ve just found my new Instagram bio. Cheers!
*Disclaimer: Approximately zero seconds of sleep were lost at night. All egos demolished in this post remain bruised until further notice.