Estimated Reading Time: 4 minutes
Now before we dive into half the reason you all clicked this article to begin with
(hi pervs), it’s hard not to laugh at the boldness of the gorgeous, and too-aggressive-for-my-taste, ways of some of the Italian speciMEN of this world.
Disclaimer: I have many Italian male friends who are lovely people, and I hope they don’t read this, but if they do, Hi and tell your friends/neighbors/male compadres that this is both counterproductive and creepy if their goal is to woo a foreigner like me.
And while I kept most of my Facebook friends entertained with a couple statuses here and there with some of these pathetic one-liners, I realized I had compiled enough to not only make an article, but also remind myself that life as a single woman in 2016 is more or less, the worst.
Now because I try to keep this place semi-PG, semi-my-mother-is-Nigerian-and-doesn’t-think-I’ll-date-until-I’m-married, and semi-one-day-my-future-husband-might-see-this, that means that I can’t include the more obscene, graphic, and detailed commentary I’ve been on the receiving end of.
And if you’re interested in that version,
YOU’RE SICK, I’m sorry, but I’m trying to forget those happened, so re-telling them won’t help.
Alright, alright, I’m sure you’re angsty by now, so here it goes. The top 10. Enjoy. And if you’re wondering if any of these lines worked, well, I don’t think I’d be writing about it if it did.
“I know we just met, but is it okay if I get us a hotel room? I want to kiss you all over.”
All I told him up until this point, was my name and nationality. SIR, HOW DOES THAT TURN YOU ON?
“I’m the only one in my family that’s not married. But I want to call my mother now and tell her that finally, the wait is over.”
We had a 5-minute conversation prior. I found a nearby bathroom and escaped ASAPtual.
“I’m sorry — you’re just so beautiful. How is it possible that you’re sitting here alone? Can I just touch your hand?”
I told him my “husband” was on his way back soon and then proceeded to act like my hands were glued to my phone and coffee cup.
“So how does this sound — You join me now, I take you out, we have a fancy dinner, maybe you fall in love, and then we go from there.”
Now this guy was actually hot, but his too-perfectly-orchestrated pick-up line involved me getting in his car, which I of course wasn’t going to do. 80 comments on Facebook later, and I slightly questioned my decision, haha. JK. Kinda.
I was having problems logging into the wifi at my hostel. The bartender passes by and lets me know that, “the wifi works perfect in my room.”
“Baby, I need your sweet, sweet smile in my life. Please, don’t leave me. I finish work in 2 hours!”
Beforehand, this waiter slipped me his number while serving me my first course. Sir, if I wanted a second course, or dessert rather, I will ask and gladly pay for it — wait, huh?
“You’re too pretty to be working right now. Don’t work too hard.”
Wait, do pretty people have a designated time frame as to when they work? LOL. I wasn’t aware.
I was in a small village trying to blog and the only place with Wi-fi was a bar, so I was there hashing some work out for 7+ hours.
Next thing you know, he places hand-picked flowers next to my seat and tells the bartender my next glass of wine was on him as he sat across the bar and kept an eye on the wine level in my cup.
“You are like sunshine! Please, be my sun!”
I was wearing a bright, yellow shirt that day. Soooo, yeah.
“WOOOOOOW. SOOOO BEAUTY. WOW.”
Lol, this was actually cute, because he legitimately stared like he’d just spotted a double rainbow, which, let’s all agree that’s as magical as life gets.
After several not so subtle attempts to get me to go with him for drinks on the river, I told him repeatedly that I had a boyfriend, so then he switched his proposal to, “…but all I want is a hug — and maybe we can do it somewhere more private.”
LITERALLY WHO IS FALLING FOR THESE LINES THAT THEY THINK THEY CAN CONFIDENTLY REUSE THEM LIKE THIS. #FixItJesus
A hug in an alley with someone I have no interest in. SIGN ME UP!!!!! #SaidNoWomanEver
And while we can poke fun at the aggressiveness of some Italian men, I’d say the winner for the boldest pick-up line goes to a Greek man in Santorini when I was there in 2014.
I was walking down the street and he sees me, stops, makes an audible gasp, then reaches for my hand, intertwines it with his, then flips it back and forth, telling me, “Wooooow. The contrast! It’s so beautiful!”
He then leans down to kiss my hand, but my ninja skills shake it out of his grasp before he’s able to make contact and I proceed to let him know where I draw the line
with my middle finger soooo yeah, cool story, Glo.
To make matters worse, it’s no secret Italian men, and Europeans in general, are rumored to have a fetish with black women, so navigating the dating scene is basically like drawing a map to Mars. Hashtag, impossible.
I constantly have to ask myself, “do they like ME, or is it my skin color they’re fascinated with?”
It makes me hesitant to take any proposal seriously. But hey,
dual-citizenship love is love, and if it were easy to find, all my 20-something year old friends back in America would be married by now. Oh, wait. They are. *sobs uncontrollably and remembers I always have Italy when I need a confidence boost*
So if you’re heading to Italy soon, be prepared to be seen as a
walking vagina heavy target by some of God’s greatest gifts to Earth — Italian men.
Any notable pick-up lines in Italy (or anywhere) that you’ve gotten while traveling? Drop them in the comments! I need a laugh!